Today is my 38th birthday, and as always, it&#x27;s a mix of joy and sorrow. The happiness comes from adding another year to my life, but the sadness stems from the fact that today is also my late mother&#x27;s birthday. She&#x27;s in heaven now, and I miss her deeply. Sometimes, when thoughts of her overwhelm me, I find solace in private moments, shedding tears in the solitude of my room or the bathroom. I don&#x27;t want my kids to witness my vulnerability.I wish my mother were alive to witness the life I&#x27;ve built and to see my four wonderful children. It&#x27;s unfortunate that she passed away at a young age.Unfortunately, I&#x27;ve been unwell since yesterday, and I haven&#x27;t been able to create any content for posting or send out newsletters. Both my kids and I are under the weather, so there&#x27;s no cake or celebration for me this year. I&#x27;ve opted to stay away from social media today to focus on resting and recharging. The demands of social media can be challenging, as I strive to find my own voice and share meaningful content.

38th Birthday: A Mix of Joy and Sorrow

My son came back from school and showed me his notebook eagerly, where he had jotted down all his assignments. I was pleasantly surprised and deeply pleased that he was taking my advice to heart and taking proactive steps to improve his grades.Today, I fried some fish, a dish all my kids love. I was overjoyed to see them enjoying the fish, especially since they usually dislike it. I&#x27;ve decided that I&#x27;ll buy more for them next time. After lunch, my son told me that he&#x27;d only rest for 5 minutes before tackling his assignments. He explained his desire to become the top student in his class and asked if I could get him the Minecraft game. I reassured him that he didn&#x27;t need to be the top student; all he had to do was focus on learning and showing improvement. I love my son, and I&#x27;ll definitely get him the game.He thrives on praise, and I need to remind myself to use this strategy for all my kids, including myself. I want to acknowledge my own achievements, like making money online while being a stay-at-home mom. Even though I&#x27;m not making a substantial amount now, I know I will someday. I need to find a way to stay focused and work towards that goal.The most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me in my life is having my four amazing kids. And to my baby boy, whom I lost, I miss you dearly!

My son!

Tomorrow marks my baby&#x27;s second birthday, and I am overwhelmed with happiness and excitement. Witnessing her growth since the day she came into this world has been nothing short of magical. From being so tiny at birth to now becoming a confident little girl who eagerly fetches my phone, runs around with her siblings, and even asserts herself by correcting them, it&#x27;s a journey that fills my heart with joy. Her humorous and adorable nature never fails to bring a smile to my face. My love for her knows no bounds, and my greatest wish is for her to lead a joyful life where she can pursue her dreams.Yet, amidst this happiness, there&#x27;s a tinge of sadness. Three years ago, during the same month, I experienced a profound loss—a baby boy who was just 16 weeks old, as tiny as an avocado. The shock was unbearable, and I felt utterly helpless in the face of such a tragedy. Why did fate deal me this cruel hand? I remember spending three days in the hospital, crying ceaselessly, consumed by devastation. I allowed myself that time to grieve, knowing that once I returned home to my other three children, I needed to be strong for them.The day to leave the hospital arrived. I wiped away my tears, mustering the courage to face the world. But as I approached home and saw my children at the door, my heart sank. Their innocent questions about the baby boy&#x27;s well-being stung. I had told them that I was away delivering the baby, and now I had to reveal the painful truth. Their voices trembled as they asked, "Mommy, how&#x27;s baby? Where&#x27;s baby?" With a heavy heart, I answered, "My dear, our little baby brother is no longer with us. He&#x27;s gone." And in that moment, we all crumbled, holding each other tight as tears flowed freely.I doubt I&#x27;ll ever fully heal from this wound. A part of me feels forever shattered, as I long for the chance to hold and cherish my baby boy. My heart aches with the memory of him. I miss him dearly, and I want him to know: that I miss you, my sweet baby.

The Joy and Heartache of Motherhood: Celebrating My Baby's Birthday While Remembering the Loss of My Son

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My Musings

It&#x27;s a holiday! I brought my kids to the cafe to work alongside me while they drew and played games. We sipped on coffee, and chocolate drinks, and indulged in snacks and other treats. The atmosphere was so enjoyable. I believe I&#x27;ve mastered the art of working amidst chaos, as I even managed to breastfeed my baby while tackling tasks. I deserve a pat on the back for this one. What a fantastic day!The privilege of being surrounded by my children is a true blessing—one I aim to keep at the forefront of my mind. My commitment is to be an understanding and nurturing mom to my son, who exhibits kindness and sensitivity. I need to give him more affirmation and encouragement!I want to build a website to provide resources to make AI art, the target is to be ready in 2 weeks&#x27; time. Maybe a week. And to publish my first digital magazine by the end of September. I am in the same circle again, keep on creating new things but never put in the work and effort to promote them. This time I need to change. I choose to do what I really like and enjoy. This way, it can fuel me up.

A CHAOTIC HOLIDAY: JUGGLING KIDS, WORK, AND FUN AT THE CAFE