THE JOY AND HEARTACHE OF MOTHERHOOD: CELEBRATING MY BABY'S BIRTHDAY WHILE REMEMBERING THE LOSS OF MY SON

Tomorrow marks my baby's second birthday, and I am overwhelmed with happiness and excitement. Witnessing her growth since the day she came into this world has been nothing short of magical. From being so tiny at birth to now becoming a confident little girl who eagerly fetches my phone, runs around with her siblings, and even asserts herself by correcting them, it's a journey that fills my heart with joy. Her humorous and adorable nature never fails to bring a smile to my face. My love for her knows no bounds, and my greatest wish is for her to lead a joyful life where she can pursue her dreams.

Yet, amidst this happiness, there's a tinge of sadness. Three years ago, during the same month, I experienced a profound loss—a baby boy who was just 16 weeks old, as tiny as an avocado. The shock was unbearable, and I felt utterly helpless in the face of such a tragedy. Why did fate deal me this cruel hand? I remember spending three days in the hospital, crying ceaselessly, consumed by devastation. I allowed myself that time to grieve, knowing that once I returned home to my other three children, I needed to be strong for them.

The day to leave the hospital arrived. I wiped away my tears, mustering the courage to face the world. But as I approached home and saw my children at the door, my heart sank. Their innocent questions about the baby boy's well-being stung. I had told them that I was away delivering the baby, and now I had to reveal the painful truth. Their voices trembled as they asked, "Mommy, how's baby? Where's baby?" With a heavy heart, I answered, "My dear, our little baby brother is no longer with us. He's gone." And in that moment, we all crumbled, holding each other tight as tears flowed freely.

I doubt I'll ever fully heal from this wound. A part of me feels forever shattered, as I long for the chance to hold and cherish my baby boy. My heart aches with the memory of him. I miss him dearly, and I want him to know: that I miss you, my sweet baby.